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Pleasing Your Mateby Dennis and Barbara Rainey from Family Life Today.

Part One – by Dennis Rainey

"Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself." Romans 15:1-3

I am convinced that great marriages and great families are rooted in self-denial. In a truly biblical, Christian marriage, both people are willing to give up their lives for one another in order to love their mate properly.

During the early years of our marriage, I remember looking in the rearview mirror of the car as I pulled out to go fishing with several of our children one Saturday. Barbara was standing on the porch, left with a couple of kids in diapers while I went off to the lake with the older kids to have a good time.

While I was sitting in that boat, not catching anything, I continued to think about Barbara. I thought, You know, I am pleasing myself, but I have not done a good job of pleasing her. I realized I needed to give up some of my hobbies for a while in order to please her and reduce her burden.

In our nation's economy, one usually determines the value of a piece of merchandise or a service by how much one has to give up, or sacrifice, to gain it. If my son wishes to buy a new basketball, it will cost him a couple of weekends of freedom in order to complete enough chores to earn the money to pay for it.

In a similar fashion, your mate often interprets how much you love or value him or her by how much you are willing to sacrifice for him or her.

For the woman trying to please her husband, it has often been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Why not cook the foods he enjoys? Be careful not to become his mother, feeding him only what is "good for him." Spoil him a little.

A husband can please his wife by finding out what her number one need is, and then helping to meet that need if he can. It may be as simple as a walk and time to talk with her. Or as complex as a child that has her under his or her control.

The main concern here is to do the right thing: Please your spouse.

Part Two - by Barbara Rainey

"So teach us to number our days." Psalm 90:12

One of the greatest forms of sacrifice you can make to please your mate is to give your time. You can make more money, and you can buy more flowers, but you can't make or buy more time. Each day is made up of 24 hours-nothing will change that.

We're all short of time. Psalm 90:12 admonishes us to "number our days." How many days do you have left? How will you use them?

I have always had an interest in art, and I enjoy looking at paintings in art galleries and museums. When we married, Dennis thought art museums were great places in which to get bored quickly. But to please me, he has spent time with me to visit quite a few museums.

In contrast, although Dennis has always loved fishing, I had no appreciation for the sport when we married. I tended to agree with the person who said, "A fisherman is a jerk on one end of a line waiting for a jerk on the other end."

But to please Dennis, I did a lot of fishing during the early years of our marriage. Later, when our expanding population of children made it impossible for me to go with him, I encouraged him to go alone or with other men, and later, as our children grew up, to take them along.

In the process of pleasing one another, we have becomericher. Our horizons have expanded. I have learned thatthere is skill, patience, perseverance and reward in fishing.I no longer consider it to be a waste of time. Fishing hasbecome important to me because it's part of what makesDennis who he is. We have great vacation memories offishing at night while our children were asleep.

To give of your time requires the greatest sacrifice. Taketime for a quiet walk or a scenic drive. Above all else,simply take time for each other. If blood is the gift of life,then time is the gift of love.

Excerpted from Moments Together for Couples by Dennisand Barbara Rainey. Used with permission. Copyright1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved.

About the author: Dennis Rainey is the executive directorof FamilyLife, an organization founded in 1976 with thegoal of effectively developing godly families, one home at atime. Parents of six children, Dennis and his wife, Barbara,have written numerous books, including best-sellersMoments Together for Couples and The Questions Bookfor Marriage Intimacy.